diff --git a/src/common/assert.h b/src/common/assert.h
index 2c72164640..1533cb569a 100644
--- a/src/common/assert.h
+++ b/src/common/assert.h
@@ -10,41 +10,43 @@
 
 // For asserts we'd like to keep all the junk executed when an assert happens away from the
 // important code in the function. One way of doing this is to put all the relevant code inside a
-// lambda and force the compiler to not inline it. Unfortunately, MSVC seems to have no syntax to
-// specify __declspec on lambda functions, so what we do instead is define a noinline wrapper
-// template that calls the lambda. This seems to generate an extra instruction at the call-site
-// compared to the ideal implementation (which wouldn't support ASSERT_MSG parameters), but is good
-// enough for our purposes.
-template <typename Fn>
-#if defined(_MSC_VER)
-[[msvc::noinline, noreturn]]
-#elif defined(__GNUC__)
-[[gnu::cold, gnu::noinline, noreturn]]
-#endif
-static void
-assert_noinline_call(const Fn& fn) {
-    fn();
-    Crash();
-    exit(1); // Keeps GCC's mouth shut about this actually returning
-}
+// lambda and force the compiler to not inline it.
 
 #define ASSERT(_a_)                                                                                \
     do                                                                                             \
         if (!(_a_)) {                                                                              \
-            assert_noinline_call([] { LOG_CRITICAL(Debug, "Assertion Failed!"); });                \
+            []() CITRA_NO_INLINE {                                                                 \
+                LOG_CRITICAL(Debug, "Assertion Failed!");                                          \
+                Crash();                                                                           \
+                exit(1);                                                                           \
+            }();                                                                                   \
         }                                                                                          \
     while (0)
 
 #define ASSERT_MSG(_a_, ...)                                                                       \
     do                                                                                             \
         if (!(_a_)) {                                                                              \
-            assert_noinline_call([&] { LOG_CRITICAL(Debug, "Assertion Failed!\n" __VA_ARGS__); }); \
+            [&]() CITRA_NO_INLINE {                                                                \
+                LOG_CRITICAL(Debug, "Assertion Failed!\n" __VA_ARGS__);                            \
+                Crash();                                                                           \
+                exit(1);                                                                           \
+            }();                                                                                   \
         }                                                                                          \
     while (0)
 
-#define UNREACHABLE() assert_noinline_call([] { LOG_CRITICAL(Debug, "Unreachable code!"); })
+#define UNREACHABLE()                                                                              \
+    ([]() CITRA_NO_INLINE {                                                                        \
+        LOG_CRITICAL(Debug, "Unreachable code!");                                                  \
+        Crash();                                                                                   \
+        exit(1);                                                                                   \
+    }())
+
 #define UNREACHABLE_MSG(...)                                                                       \
-    assert_noinline_call([&] { LOG_CRITICAL(Debug, "Unreachable code!\n" __VA_ARGS__); })
+    ([&]() CITRA_NO_INLINE {                                                                       \
+        LOG_CRITICAL(Debug, "Unreachable code!\n" __VA_ARGS__);                                    \
+        Crash();                                                                                   \
+        exit(1);                                                                                   \
+    }())
 
 #ifdef _DEBUG
 #define DEBUG_ASSERT(_a_) ASSERT(_a_)